Tonight I just can't sleep. I do not know what it is, I am exhausted but my mind won't rest. So instead I have uploaded pictures, videos, emailed friends, played games, worked on my meetup.com sight and revised and added things to my playgroup site. The site has a LOT more work to be done on it before we can drop Meetup.com and just use it but I am still quite proud of it. Check it out.
http://playgroup.justholly.com/
Okay it is now 3:30am and I better force myself to sleep...anyone want to send a little sleep dust my way. :)
Friday, December 11, 2009
Monday, November 02, 2009
An Oldie but a Goodie
Sunday, August 26, 2007
Finally at the top
Current mood: happy
One of the benefits of living in Colorado is the amazing outdoor life. Everything is so beautiful. There is so much to do outside, hike, climb, explore. . . how could one ever be bored.
We have gone out rock climbing a few times since we have lived here. Since I had to get new shoes and a harness (mine are with the movers that STILL have not arrived), I have only participated the last two times. Both times were at Castlewood Canyon in Castle Rock (no not Stephen Kings Castle Rock).
Both times I was incredibly disappointed with myself. I am not making excuses but the rock is harder out here, not to mention a little more painful (at least the places we have gone to). So I have had climbers block. I would get about 1/4 way up the wall and just block, not be able to go any farther.
I realize part of it is the rough rock scares me, I mean when you fall on that and hit the wall. . . skin is coming off. Needless to say that makes one a little more hesitant to push ones self. Part of it is the nerves of climbing with new people. Especially since the new people and Mark are rockin it on the rock, where I am floundering. But the biggest part is hesitation. . . . hesitation is the root of all that is evil.
I have found in rock climbing that the minute you stop and think about it your path, your climb, your distance from the ground and all the other little factors surrounding you. . you freeze. The path seems harder, the rock seems harder. . . the fall . . . .well it definitely seems harder. So when you stop using the momentum to push you up that rock. . . when you hesitate to guess your next move. .. . well you tend to talk yourself out of it.
A new friend of ours is one of my "Rock Role Models". I wish I looked at the rocks the way he does. Not because he sees nooks and crannies I would never dream of holding on to in a million years (not that secure in my rock climbing). But because when the rock has started to defeat him, he sits back and says "damnit, I am going to get to the top". A couple of times he even stopped while being lowered and said "wait, how about this" and would try the wall one or two more times.
I was starting to become embarrassed. Because in essence not getting to the top during ANY of these climbs. . . well it makes me a quitter. I don't like being a quitter. Who does?
So on the last climb yesterday, using Michelle as my role model for this one (she is newer to climbing than I am, but when her brother says NO, try it this way. . .she tried. . . it doesn't always work out but sometimes it does. . like she became the layback queen on the last outing because she didn't quit) I decided I was going to make it to the top. Now granted this is not the hardest of climbs, but it requires one to do a technique that is called the "lay back". The lay back makes me nervous because basically you are smearing your feet (or putting one in a crack if you are lucky enough to have a crack big enough), sticking your hands in the crack and extending your arms leaning back and climbing the crack. I have NO faith in my upper body strength so this maneuver is not one that I felt comfortable with. As a matter of fact, every time Mark tried to teach it to me I would start to lay back and then quit. . .feeling uncomfortable.
But in order to make it up this climb, the lay back was necessary. So this time, without thinking about it, without hesitating. . . I laid back. .. . damn I laid back the entire way to the top. . . until I was able to touch the beiners. Not only that, but after a few other people climbed. . . I did again this time flying up the rock in under a minute. I was determined. . .not determined to look like a better climber, not determined to impress my peers. . . . but determined to impress myself by not hesitating and overcoming my fears.
Now, I am proud of myself, because I overcame something that was causing me to not enjoy myself at one of my favorite hobbies.
If my arms were not so damn sore. . . I would be back out there today, seeing what else I can overcome :)
Finally at the top
Current mood: happy
One of the benefits of living in Colorado is the amazing outdoor life. Everything is so beautiful. There is so much to do outside, hike, climb, explore. . . how could one ever be bored.
We have gone out rock climbing a few times since we have lived here. Since I had to get new shoes and a harness (mine are with the movers that STILL have not arrived), I have only participated the last two times. Both times were at Castlewood Canyon in Castle Rock (no not Stephen Kings Castle Rock).
Both times I was incredibly disappointed with myself. I am not making excuses but the rock is harder out here, not to mention a little more painful (at least the places we have gone to). So I have had climbers block. I would get about 1/4 way up the wall and just block, not be able to go any farther.
I realize part of it is the rough rock scares me, I mean when you fall on that and hit the wall. . . skin is coming off. Needless to say that makes one a little more hesitant to push ones self. Part of it is the nerves of climbing with new people. Especially since the new people and Mark are rockin it on the rock, where I am floundering. But the biggest part is hesitation. . . . hesitation is the root of all that is evil.
I have found in rock climbing that the minute you stop and think about it your path, your climb, your distance from the ground and all the other little factors surrounding you. . you freeze. The path seems harder, the rock seems harder. . . the fall . . . .well it definitely seems harder. So when you stop using the momentum to push you up that rock. . . when you hesitate to guess your next move. .. . well you tend to talk yourself out of it.
A new friend of ours is one of my "Rock Role Models". I wish I looked at the rocks the way he does. Not because he sees nooks and crannies I would never dream of holding on to in a million years (not that secure in my rock climbing). But because when the rock has started to defeat him, he sits back and says "damnit, I am going to get to the top". A couple of times he even stopped while being lowered and said "wait, how about this" and would try the wall one or two more times.
I was starting to become embarrassed. Because in essence not getting to the top during ANY of these climbs. . . well it makes me a quitter. I don't like being a quitter. Who does?
So on the last climb yesterday, using Michelle as my role model for this one (she is newer to climbing than I am, but when her brother says NO, try it this way. . .she tried. . . it doesn't always work out but sometimes it does. . like she became the layback queen on the last outing because she didn't quit) I decided I was going to make it to the top. Now granted this is not the hardest of climbs, but it requires one to do a technique that is called the "lay back". The lay back makes me nervous because basically you are smearing your feet (or putting one in a crack if you are lucky enough to have a crack big enough), sticking your hands in the crack and extending your arms leaning back and climbing the crack. I have NO faith in my upper body strength so this maneuver is not one that I felt comfortable with. As a matter of fact, every time Mark tried to teach it to me I would start to lay back and then quit. . .feeling uncomfortable.
But in order to make it up this climb, the lay back was necessary. So this time, without thinking about it, without hesitating. . . I laid back. .. . damn I laid back the entire way to the top. . . until I was able to touch the beiners. Not only that, but after a few other people climbed. . . I did again this time flying up the rock in under a minute. I was determined. . .not determined to look like a better climber, not determined to impress my peers. . . . but determined to impress myself by not hesitating and overcoming my fears.
Now, I am proud of myself, because I overcame something that was causing me to not enjoy myself at one of my favorite hobbies.
If my arms were not so damn sore. . . I would be back out there today, seeing what else I can overcome :)
Sunday, October 25, 2009
And what do YOU do?
Most of my adult life I have disliked that question. To me it always felt like I was being put up for judgment. . . like the answer I give, the job I have will determine if I am smart enough, determined enough or good enough. Sometimes I would try to think of the fanciest title for what I do, in hopes it sounded impressive.
Now that question is different. Now that question means something to me. "What do you do?", "who me? I am a Mom!". Silly in a way because I NEVER wanted to be a stay at home mom. I use to think who in there right mind can do that...how boring..how unsatisfying. Why wouldn't these women want to go get real jobs and make something out of themselves. WHO IN THIER RIGHT MIND WOULD WANT TO STAY HOME WITH A KID ALL DAY? Now I know the answer...ME! I love it. It is the job I am the proudest of. It is the best job I have ever had. It pays better than any job I have ever had, and the rewards are so much greater.
As a stay at home mom, I not only get to watch my daughter grow but I get to be a constant influence in everything she learns and does. I get to be there.
However, I know this is only the way I feel and not everyone can understand it. There are still a lot of career oriented people out there that think that I must just lack ambition. I know he will disagree with me, but I believe my husband is one of those people. He almost seems to cringe when he tells people that I am a stay at home mom. He seems to be slightly embarrassed he does not have some snazzy career title to pin to my name. I can understand. My husband has more determination than anyone I know. He quit everything to follow his dream to become a lawyer, he worked hard and he has accomplished so much. I am proud of him everyday. But this is not what I want for me right now. I like being a mom. I LOVE being a mom. I love that I don't have to miss a thing and it breaks my heart at how much he has to miss.
This is not to say that all I ever want to be is a stay at home mom. Of course not, I mean eventually Maddie will have to go to school right? And then what do I do with myself..sit around and cry. Of course not. I look forward to re-entering the career world. I want to go back to school now to pave my way when that time comes. But right now I am content in my current career path...even if it doesn't get raises and promotions, it gets smiles, kisses and first steps...I would not change it for the world.
Now that question is different. Now that question means something to me. "What do you do?", "who me? I am a Mom!". Silly in a way because I NEVER wanted to be a stay at home mom. I use to think who in there right mind can do that...how boring..how unsatisfying. Why wouldn't these women want to go get real jobs and make something out of themselves. WHO IN THIER RIGHT MIND WOULD WANT TO STAY HOME WITH A KID ALL DAY? Now I know the answer...ME! I love it. It is the job I am the proudest of. It is the best job I have ever had. It pays better than any job I have ever had, and the rewards are so much greater.
As a stay at home mom, I not only get to watch my daughter grow but I get to be a constant influence in everything she learns and does. I get to be there.
However, I know this is only the way I feel and not everyone can understand it. There are still a lot of career oriented people out there that think that I must just lack ambition. I know he will disagree with me, but I believe my husband is one of those people. He almost seems to cringe when he tells people that I am a stay at home mom. He seems to be slightly embarrassed he does not have some snazzy career title to pin to my name. I can understand. My husband has more determination than anyone I know. He quit everything to follow his dream to become a lawyer, he worked hard and he has accomplished so much. I am proud of him everyday. But this is not what I want for me right now. I like being a mom. I LOVE being a mom. I love that I don't have to miss a thing and it breaks my heart at how much he has to miss.
This is not to say that all I ever want to be is a stay at home mom. Of course not, I mean eventually Maddie will have to go to school right? And then what do I do with myself..sit around and cry. Of course not. I look forward to re-entering the career world. I want to go back to school now to pave my way when that time comes. But right now I am content in my current career path...even if it doesn't get raises and promotions, it gets smiles, kisses and first steps...I would not change it for the world.
Thursday, October 22, 2009
The ADD Me
How did I fall behind on so many things. I had so many great ideas, plans...even beginnings but they are all laying unfinished...Lilli's tutu, Maddie's journal, Maddie's scrapbook, Mark and Holly blog and my blog just to name a few of the many things that have gotten pushed aside. I feel like I can't finish anything these days which makes no sense since Maddie is more entertained by herself these days. I should be knocking projects out right and left but I just can't seem to follow through. Get it together Mama. Get on track.
Monday, June 08, 2009
Mark Graduated from Law School
Well three years has gone by in a flash. It seems like just yesterday Mark and I were packing up our lives in Virginia and moving to DC so he could start law school. I remember in those first days I was soooooooooo excited for him. You would of thought I was starting school. I loved hearing about Contracts and Torts...but then he got into the boring subjects like International Law and Corperations ...blah...
It was a lot of work and although he loves learning about the law ...it took a LOT of his time and he probably missed out on one or two things because of it. I don't think he would change a thing though. Now we are Kentuckians (ha ha) and Mark is only a few months away from being a Lawyer. I am sooooo proud of him. I know if Maddie understood everything Mark has done in the past 3 years, she would be so proud of her dad too. He is a great role model for her...he had a dream and he had no problem dropping everything and achieving it. Love that man.
Uncle Billy
Maddie's Uncle Billy came to help us move from Denver to Kentucky. She was barely shy around him...she seemed to adore him. Unlike with other new people she did not cry when he held her the first time, I walked away and she was fine just being with her Uncle Billy. He was great with her too! I think they will be great friends. :)
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