Wednesday, February 04, 2015

It's like forgetting. . . .

Today is world Cancer day. It is a day to recognize all the cancers out there that people struggle through, die from and survive with. If you believe a post I wrote on Facebook it is also the 2 year anniversary of getting my official N.E.D (no evidence of disease). 2 years. Sometimes those days seem so far didn't I have cancer decades ago. Other times the memories are breathing down the back of my neck and won't go away. Today they won't go away. Today they are haunting me. It is the kind of day where I am listening to my Regina Spektor CDs and trying to hold the tears in my eyes.

One of the songs has the line "It's like forgetting the words to your favorite song". It is like that sometimes. Sometimes I am shocked I can't remember something that should be engraved on my brain. Can't remember the name of a medicine or how long I did chemo, can't remember what my kids faces looked like when we talked to them about cancer, can't remember what my mother said when I called her. But at the same time I can remember her voice, the sound of it, the feeling in's like the song you can remember the melody to but not the words. I remember my children holding me a lot, hugging me as if they thought I might float away. I remember feeling like I was going to float away. I remember how horrid chemo was and I remember the color of the medicine and the look of it in the syringe and the feel of it as it pushed into my IV.

Sometimes you may forget the words but you never forget the melody.