Sunday, December 17, 2006

Fact or Fiction. . . .Nurture or Nature

Fact or Fiction. . . Nurture or Nature
Current mood: aggravated

I got in a heated argument the other day with an acquaintance of mine.

I made a comment to the extent of sometimes I feel like he is playing a part, acting, and not being himself. His response was what set me off. He said "I still have some of those homosexual tendencies that I have not been able to shake". I ignored the fact that he was categorizing certain of his speech mannerisms "homosexual tendencies" and focused on the "not been able to shake" comment.

It turns out in his "opinion" he use to be gay. Enjoyed (he emphasized "ENJOYED") homosexual loving relationships. However, he has since "decided" to be straight. (there will be a lot of " " in this blog since his choice of words were key.)

The short of it was that he was still attracted to men, but "decided" that was not what he wanted. "Decided" to go back to women and "no longer be a homosexual". He said being gay is a choice that everyone makes, it is not an automatic thing and he choose to no longer be gay.

This goes against everything I believe in. I have had this conversation with several of my gay friends and all of them have said it was never a conscience choice to be gay. It was a choice to come out of the closet and to act on their feelings. But these feelings where always there, whether they chose them or not.

He insisted this was "bull", that "the feelings themselves are choices", that they choose to be attracted to the same sex and they could just as easily "choose" to be un-attracted to the same sex, they just "choose" to be "different". He seemed to disagree with their choice and think it was foolish, even though he had once gone the same way.

After going back in forth with him for a few minutes I was so infuriated with his views on other homosexuals that I had to walk away.

I was talking to another one of my friends about this situation and he said a few things that I liked. I hope he does not mind if I quote him.

"it comes down to the fact that so is eating. i mean, when you're hungry you choose to eat. when you're gay you choose to sleep with men. now, you can be straight and still be just means that you choose not to sleep with men."

And the part I know that some straight guys might find offensive but I have always made light of this comment myself in arguments with homo-phobs.

"It's all gray area. All of it. Even the straightest guy you can think of has at least 10% gay in him. I really think so. I mean, after all we all start as females. And men have half the gene, right? XY vs. XX."

But he is right . . . it is all a gray area, all of it. Maybe we will never understand it. Maybe there will always be people arguing choice v/s genetics. There will always be people arguing that "it isn't right" and that it is "unnatural" vs the people fighting for basic civil rights not to be based on sexual orientation.

However, I never expected to be having this arguement with someone who "use to be a homosexual".

The end of our conversation when exactly like this.
-"you don't know me"
-"oh, I have seen your script and you read it well. . but I see right through your act"

Gray areas.

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