This is going to be a multi blog kind of night since I have not blogged in says and different days call for different emotions which mean different blogs. So let us begin.
Thursday I had my first chemo treatment. I woke up determined to feel accomplished that day so I made the kids pancakes, prepped meals and cookies, exercised and cleaned the house. Needless to say this was more out of being anxious and nervous than being prepared. I was not scared of the actually chemo treatment but more of the side effects that were going to come after (thank you Rich for the informed consent).
Mark came with me to my first treatment. I was not sure what I wanted...to be alone or to have him there...but I was so happy to have him there.
To tell the truth the actual treatment (although I was there for a few hours) felt fast. Mark and I talked, laughed, snacked and watched Breaking Bad. Aside from the fact I was getting a chemo treatment and being used as a human pin cushion (vein and tough skin problems) we had a fun time. I am so glad that I had Mark by my side...it made what could of been a depressing situation....well truthfully, enjoyable.
Thankfully we had Theresa watching the kids...which is just about as good as us being home with them. They love Theresa and her kids. They have been around so much helping us lately that Maddie and Blake truly get upset when a day goes by that we don't see them. When Blake is playing his name games (where he makes jokes using every name in the family) he now includes their names as if they are his family too. They pretty much are though. I would be lost without Theresa's help.
Theresa also had set up a meal for that night. So Mark's old boss Kathy brought us a whole foods smorgashborg (hmmm spell check has no suggestions for that word). I was starting to feel nauseated but as long as I kept walking around I felt better, so before Kathy showed up I was walking laps around the driveway so that I could hopefully eat dinner. It was a super yummy dinner and we are very grateful to Kathy for bringing it to us. It was also nice to see her. I really do like her, she is so sweet and nice. One of Mark's best bosses (my favorite).
I can't say any two days of the days that followed were the same...every day there was something new. One day I would feel great enough to elliptical in the morning only to feel like someone was grinding my bones in the afternoon, the nausea came and went...maybe came more than went, slight dizziness one day and light sensitivity the next. It was like pandora's box of symptoms but none that I could not live with. Heck isn't that why I am going through this...to live. Works for me.
Maddie and I talked a little more about what is going on with me. Seems she had questions she was scared to ask. I think I handled them well. I basically told her that mommy has a boo boo in her boobie and the doctor has to give her medicine to make her get better. I explained to her that I was going to be getting the medicine for a while (she didn't understand why I was not all better by now), I explained that sometimes the medicine may make me sick, grumpy or tired but that no matter how I felt or how grumpy I was acting that I always loved her and she was my princess. We also had a short talk about how I might lose my hair. She informed me if that were to happen that I would look silly. She is probably right.
Sunday I decided to cut off my hair. Like really cut off my hair. My desire was for a cute starlet style pixie cut. . . my stylist more thought maybe david bowie. Guess I should of had a picture of what I wanted or just not of gone to floyds. I cried my eyes out in the chair before she even brought the scissors to my hair. I did not think I would take cutting it off so hard, however it needed to be done...it was so itchy and I found myself compulsively raking my fingers through it seeing how much hair was coming out on the tips of my fingers. For my own sanity it needed to go.
Mark loves my short hair....no really....Mark LOVES my short hair. He hopes I keep it short forever. Blake likes my short hair. He will randomly exclaim "Mommy Hair Cut" and then want to touch it giggling. I take that as approval. Maddie...well Maddie is adjusting. She told me immediately that she did not like it....she told me it looked silly....she told me that she liked my hair the way it was. That night when she picked out books for us to read she gave me the Silly book and said it was because I looked Silly and then gave Mark the princess book and said it was because Mark looked handsome. Mark whispered to her something about how I don't look silly and don't I look pretty. Maddie nodded but then whispered in my ear "but you really look silly". Great support kid.
I have informed her that we are shaving her hair next.
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